Many eldest daughters develop perfectionism and people-pleasing tendencies, putting other people’s needs ahead of their own. You may be worried about getting laid off, but you still fork out a large portion of your paycheck to cover your parents’ mortgage. You may intervene when your siblings and parents are in conflict. You may be the first responder to every “emergency,” even when it costs you sleep, bandwidth, or peace.

“Perfectionism is not just about high standards. It’s a survival strategy — a way to protect yourself from shame, rejection, or disappointment. It whispers, “If I do everything right, maybe I won’t lose love again.” But that voice also kills creativity, curiosity, and joy. It keeps you from trying new things, from being seen, from living.”

“We cannot heal body shame by simply learning to love our bodies. We heal by understanding the systems that taught us to mistrust them. When we recognize how colonialism, capitalism, and patriarchy have shaped the way we see ourselves, we begin to see that the problem was never our bodies. It was the lens we were taught to use.”

Why are so many Asian American teens struggling with shame, silence, and mental health? This post explores the missing Fremont teen case and what it reveals about depression, emotional suppression, and intergenerational trauma in Asian American families.